Monday 12 December 2011

Should children only be corrected by their own parents?

There are cultural differences that are obvious. Those are quickly noticed and are easily understood. The problem comes when the differences are not noticed and it is assumed that others should behave in a way in which we would expect them to behave or, should they not, it may be assumed that they are being rude.

Let us imagine a party. There are family and friends gathered together enjoying themselves. The children are playing around and one child does something naughty. The parent is at the other side of the room. There are other adults closer to the child. What should be done? Would the same thing happen in England and in Spain?

I have found that my English family and my Spanish family have a very different approach to dealing with this type of situation. The adults in my English family would not hesitate disciplining the child, in spite of not being the parent, and the parent being present in the room. The child needs disciplining and it does not matter who does it. It is everybody's responsibility to keep the children under control and to ensure that they are well behaved.

My Spanish family would inform the parent of the situation and allow the parent to decide the course of action. My Spanish family considers that only parents have the authority to discipline their children. Overstepping this authority is highly offensive, as it implies the belief that the parent is not good enough to do their job.

As you can imagine, I have seen an English adult offending a Spanish parent and being completely surprised by the Spanish parent's reaction. I have also personally experienced uneasiness when my English family corrected my child in my presence. I was not aware that they had been brought up differently to me. I simply assumed that they had more dominant personalities, or were consciously overstepping my authority because they thought I was not doing a good job. It took years, and members of both sides of my family, for me to put these facts together and understand the cultural differences.

I cannot generalise, as I have not studied this in depth. However, I suppose that other English people would correct a child when necessary regardless of whether the child's parent is present or not, and would not consider their action to be offensive to the parent. They would just feel they are being helpful by dealing with something that needs dealing with. I also imagine that other Spaniards would leave it to the parents, unless they had a very dominant personality or were being offensive.

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